I'm convinced that some of the people that I love lack empathy and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with them. I tend to feel and absorb other people’s emotions. If someone I'm interreacting with is sad, I'm sad too. I'm a highly sensitive person and can become overwhelmed with the impact of stressful emotions. In the past I've occasionally experienced panic attacks, depression, and chronic fatigue from dealing with certain people.
I tend to trust my gut feelings about others. Dealing with people who have a lack of empathy can leave me feeling frustrated, unsettled, angry, disappointed, and even betrayed, especially when I need support. It gets especially painful if you are in a relationship with someone who is unable to put themselves in your shoes. Especially when we consider some of these people our friends, or maybe even worse, when those people are family members and we have to be in contact with them frequently.
I have been hurt by other's lack of compassion but I can't explain to them how I feel after they have said or done something hurtful because they turn around and blame me for being "too sensitive", or say I can't take a joke. Ugh. To me that attitude is insensitive and hurtful.
Brené Brown says that often the greatest gift we can someone else is the gift of empathy. She does a great job of explaining the difference between sympathy and empathy – and why empathy is so amazing.
Highly sensitive people are thought to be more disturbed than others by violence, tension, or feelings of being overwhelmed. They may, as a result, make concerted efforts to avoid situations in which such things are likely to occur. On the more positive end of the trait, high sensitivity is thought to be linked to higher levels of creativity, richer personal relationships, and a greater appreciation for beauty.
If you react strongly to criticism, become physically and emotionally overstimulated more easily than others do, and have a rich inner life, you may score highly in sensory processing sensitivity. You may also feel as if you have a higher capacity for empathy and are quite sensitive to others’ moods. That sounds like me.
Here are some signs that will help you identify if someone around you lacks empathy:
- They jump fast into criticizing others without putting themselves in other people’s shoes.
- They seem to be cold or just out of touch for people that are suffering or are less fortunate.
- They believe 100% in the rightness of their own ideas and/or beliefs, and judge anyone who does not hold their beliefs as wrong, ignorant or stupid.
- They have trouble feeling happy for others.
- They have trouble making or keeping friends.
- They have trouble getting along with family members.
- They feel entitled to receiving favors and use you to serve their needs without showing appreciation. They will even get offended if they don’t get their way.
- In a group setting, they will talk a lot about themselves and their lives without really caring about what other people share.
- They do or say something that hurts a friend or a loved one, and tend to blame his/her actions on them. They truly believe that the fault is in the person receiving the hurt because they reacted poorly, were rude or were oversensitive.
Effects
Lack of empathy can have a number of effects. Some of these include:- Problems with relationships: People who lack empathy are more likely to have problems in their relationships with other people. It can lead to arguments when other people feel that their feelings and needs are not understood. It can also make it more difficult to form bonds and decrease the likelihood that people receive meaningful help.
- Poor communication: Not being able to understand where other people are coming from can make communication much more difficult. A lack of empathy can also cause people to misinterpret what other people are trying to say, which can ultimately lead to miscommunication, conflict, and damaged relationships.
- Lack of helping behaviors: When people don’t feel empathy for others, they are less likely to engage in prosocial actions that might help people who need assistance. This can affect people on an individual level, but it can also have more systemic effects when groups, governments, or societies fail to show empathy toward people who need support.
How can I cope with stress as a highly sensitive person?
Self-care is critical for HSPs, particularly when faced with stressful situations. Getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, limiting caffeine and alcohol, and planning for decompression time can all be useful strategies. Talking to a friend or therapist can also help an HSP cope with heightened emotional responses to stress.
What’s the best way to deal with someone else who is highly sensitive?
If someone you know is highly sensitive, it’s first critical to accept that it is part of their temperament and likely can’t be changed. Giving the person space to decompress, encouraging self-care, and looking for the strengths inherent in their sensitivity can help the relationship—and the individual—thrive.
